there are many myths that persist in modern life

April 7, 2009 at 3:24 pm (thinking, this and that) (, )

I have long resolved to post about my favorite blogs around the internet, but I had to post this today ahead of the rest: You Can’t Please Everyone is a feature on a blog where the author collects and posts one-star Amazon reviews of classic movies, literature, and music. Some of them are absolutely amazing, others are just sad. Perhaps my favorite is the following, regarding Joseph Heller’s Catch-22:

“There are many myths that persist in modern life. One myth is that war is “meaningless”, “useless” or “insane.” Another myth is that Catch-22 is a good book.”

Another, vaguely prophetic and threatening review of the same:

“If Harry Potter is, as people claim it to be, one of the best books of all time, then this is its antithesis. Gather round muggles and read this review, or else the person that you’ve been dating will leave you for that professional football player and your parents and/or children will disown you and you’ll be forced to live in the basement with that balding, 43 year old starwars geek.”

Wait, what? I mean, I’m not a fan of Catch-22 (yes, I know, but not for any kind of weirdly conservative reason, I’m just a low person), but seriously? What is this person even talking about? Even so, it’s one of the more intelligent specimens. Most fall into the depressing category, such as this amazing review of 1984:

“i give this book one star i had to read it for class and i know it’s suposed to be a “classic” but god itis awful. first of all its NOTHING like the future is probly going to turn out. second of all every one says the aurthor george orwell is so trippy and wierd but i think he’s just trying to cover up for the fact that HE CAN’T WRITE. please george do us all a faver and stop writing books.” (emphasis mine)

Enjoy! But if you’re going to cruise Amazon.com you would better spend your time checking out The Sad Tale of the Brothers Grossbart which is up for pre-order. Buy it!

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2 Comments

  1. Jesse, Son of Dio said,

    My personal favorite is from a review of Cat’s Cradle, that describes the novel as “decent sci-fi escape, but nowhere near as good an escape as Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, or Star Wars: A New Hope…not very complex or deep, a basic fable, but still entertaining. But as entertaining as Star Wars? NO. I recommend renting the star war movies or getting the star war books, especially the ones with Jabba the Hut. Cat’s Cradle has no point or meaning to it, unlike Lucas’s prophetic, amazing vision.”

    Indeed.

    How many do you think are genuine versus tongue-in-cheek? The above is almost too good to be true, as is the review of Casablanca wherein the critic lambastes Ingrid Bergman as being “no Maryland Monroe” and the Citizen Kane reviewer who asserts that “Tom Hanks is ten times the actor Orson “Fatty McFat” Welles ever was!” Some of them have to be fake, right? Right?

  2. molly said,

    We can hope. Some of them seem to be sincere, I think. And tell me, you’ve never met a Star Wars fan that sounds like that guy?

    Also, pick a friggin’ name and use it, I’m tired of having to manually approve every comment you make!

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